Icons thanx to:   MOONMAGIX

NIGHTMARES

I'm sooo pissed off today! I just can't get over the fact that he has lied to me during the relationship and how he looks at other girls when we're out together. He has eyes for everyone but me! Ít's making me really insecure and jealous. And that makes me angry and sad. Shouldn't I be occupied with life itself and the joys of it? Instead of worrying all the time what he get's up too? He hasn't cheated on me (yet) but there's just no trust anymore. And ofcourse if you don't have trust then you don't have anything to base the relationship on. Except for the fact that we love eachother. How long will this continu to go on like this???

The nightmares are really breaking me up. I dream he's cheating on me, trying to drown me. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming for him, looking for him and tightly holding on to him while I fall a sleep again. Last night I dreamed about killings, one women got smothered with a pillow and stuffed underneath a mattress, a man burned, another poisened and hidden in a bathtub only to come alive again and grab me by my arm as I entered the bathroom. I was in some terrible haunted building and scared most of the time. I really need some sleep, to unwind. I count down the days 'til I go on holiday...

CONFESSION

Alright the rest of the evening went pretty well. I mean he's still awake, watching TV ofcourse, but nonetheless awake! Tomorrow we're out all day, first having a family barbeque and then out to party. Yes, after sitting on the couch for over two months there's finally gonna be some action. I love a good party, getting all dressed up and dancing the night away. Back to the title of my entry.. CONFESSION... When I get mad at him he manages to draw the blood from underneath my fingernails. No one else can get me as mental as he can. So there was this time when I sank REAL LOW...We had another arguement and he childishly started repeating me, I was furious. I ran downstairs ready to leave and slam the door behind me. Except he didn't tidy up his shoes as usual, they were lying in front of the door and I nearly tripped over them. So enraged I picked one up and threw it aside...but then, don't ask me why, I picked it back up and spat in it! Yes, like I was back in pre-school. I picked up the other one and spat in there too. I quickly dropped them as he came walking down the stairs. Next he put on his shoes and while I watched him do that all my rage disappeared. I had to laugh so hard I nearly cried! He asked me what was up but I didn't tell him, I just passed the entire day with a smirk on my face. Eventually my little brother told him but luckily he was a good sport and laughed it off with me...